Relentlessly Trying...

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I must say, I now know what people mean when they say they're going off the grid. That's where I've spent the past few months since going back to work. I've been relentlessly trying to find time to post, relentlessly trying to get pregnant and relentlessly trying to sell our condo....all in 2 months. Crazy right?

So with all this trying, I'm not doing much doing. Well, I'm doing work on the condo, that's about it. Finishing and fixing and making sure it's show worthy.

I feel like I've been in my own little black hole lately. I haven't really wanted to go out much, just wanting to stay in and watch SVU..speaking of, interesting story happend which interrupted my first two paragraphs of this post.

So here's the sidebar story...my friend that lives in my complex and I both walk our dogs around the area and she tries to keep the woods area behind our complex clean...why, I don't know, but she does. So I joked to her the other day that she'll probably find a dead body or bones back there some day, sure as shit, she calls me just as I finished the first paragraph of this entry to tell me to get my ass outside out back because she found bones. Whether or not they were animal or human, we don't know. But we called the cops and then the cops brought in detectives. I all of a sudden felt like I was in an episode of Law & Order: SVU and Munch and Stabler were checkin out what we found. We were dismissed shortly after, so we'll never know unless we see it on the news..LOL.

Annnnnyyywayyys. Moving on. That's pretty much all the fun and excitement that's been going on in my life lately. I don't have much to talk about, don't have much to joke about, but give me a few more days and I'm sure I'll have alot to vent about. I start injections for IVF on Saturday....I know I'll wanna vent about that..LOL.

Time Management

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is great at work, but sucks at home. I have been back to work for two weeks and I've blogged twice...only twice...jeesh. Gotta get back to Motivational Mondays and Thursday's Thought of the Day...Sunday funnies are still a norm. Ok, here I go back to my horrible time management and catch up with my SVU marathon. Peace out!

Dear Gisele Bundchen,

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Fuck. You.

You may have just given birth not that long ago and although I have yet to give birth, I know it still hurts. So whydontcha just shut your face about how you experienced NO PAIN WHATEVER. Quotes like this,make us think you're the biggest liar ever.

"It wasn't painful, not even a little bit. The whole time, my head was so focused..every contraction, the baby is closer, the baby is closer. So it wasn't like, 'Oh what pain'. The second day, I was walking, I was washing dishes, I was making pancakes in the kitchen."

Seriously. Either you had some seriously good drugs that you don't wanna admit to or you did not actually give birth. You can't seriously push something the size of a watermellon out of something that only opens to 10cm and feel no pain. Some people can't even poop without pain. So I declare you a big fat liar. Mmmkay?

Love,
Jenn

Super(commercial)bowl Sunday

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Wow, it's been a whole week since my last post. I guess that's what happens when you start a new job, which I did last week. So, I guess I need to figure out my schedule to get my blogs in =).

It's Superbowl Sunday and to be truthful, I could give a shit about the game. I don't know anything about football, I don't like football and I'm only in it today for the booze and commercials. Hey, at least I'm honest. I'm also looking forward to making my buffalo chicken dip..I haven't made that in a long time.

So speaking of supercommercialbowl sunday, it seems like this year's Nipplegate is the commercials. There was a commercial for a gay dating website that got 86'd, but they'll allow a pro life commercial?!? It's gotta be because Tim "crybaby" Tebow is in it. Why? Why? WHY push your personal agenda of pro life down my throat, major tv network, but don't allow another's lifestyle on the air? WTF is that about? Seriously. At least they let Planned Parenthood step up and air a Pro Choice commercial to give the other side of the spectrum. Can you immagine the uproar if the network hadn't let that happen? Unreal. How they think absolutely amazes me...."let's run multimillion dollar spots about abortion, but fuck that gay dating website spot...that's gross. we don't want people to think we're ok with being gay...let's push our anti abortion agenda on them instead...that's not as bad" You might think I'm exagerating, but I'm not.
Whatever.
On to my newest favorite thing. John Mayer. Don't get me wrong, I've been into John Mayer's hottness since he sexed it up with "Your Body is a Wonderland", but now I've discovered that he is an AMAZING soundbyte.
I keep up on the whole pop culture scene and do alot of reading to prep for my show at K104 and two weeks in a row, John has spit out some serious gems. Last week there was a story about how he spoke out about musicians/celebs that try to be what they're not with putting out clothing lines and perfumes. He says

“Who out there really goes, ‘You know what, I just fucking love perfumes. I always have since I was a kid. If I weren’t a pop singer, I’d be a perfumier…’? I’m not diversifying in terms of selling anything. I’m not selling ‘John Mayer: the cologne’. If I did it would just smell like sausage and sleep,”

Awesome.
Then this week to my delight, another great John Mayer soundbyte gem. This time about Tiger Woods. He says,

"Tiger Woods' problems come from him being married. The End. If Tiger Woods was single and he texted a girl and said 'I wanna wear your ass like a hat', why would that ever hit the news? I can text whatever I want to anybody in the world; I'm not married. I write alot of dirty text messages to girls, and you've never seen any of them"

I for one would love to either A)be a recipient of one of these dirty txts or B) at least be able to see them. HA!
Cheers to you John Mayer, you crazy sonofabitch! I look forward to next week's soundbyte gem!

Bad life decisions vs. Good life decisions...

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Good Mornin' y'all! It's Sunday funday and although there's no football today(not that I care about that anyways)I've still got some fun for your Sunday. Today's fun is about bad decisions and good decisions. While looking through the show prep stuff at K104, I came across this awesome video. OK, maybe being a janitor isn't the best life decision, but the way he uses certain things to his advantage is...check it out.


Efficiency at it's best!!
Now...for today's very very bad life decision. We all know Kelis has been known for some flamboyant outfits, but this is just creepy. I was trolling TMZ this morning and found this ...

WTF?!?
Seriously, that's all I could think! What. The. Fudge.
Really Kelis? Do you really wanna look like a sea monkey? And what the hell are those shoes? They look downright uncomfortable. And just wrong. If you've ever seen the movie I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, then you must remember this scene after the pimp gets released from jail..

Tell me those fish shoes don't remind you of the shoes Kelis has on in that pic above! You can't. HA!
On that note, back to my show I go. Give us a listen online! K104 Online

Things I thought I'd never see....

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Happy Saturday everyone! It's a freezing cold Saturday, but at least it's the weekend...and one of my last days of unemployment. But that's not the point of this post...I shall move on and get to the point.

The ever boring and becoming extinct Miss America pagent is coming up and apparently there was something with preliminaries and the judges or some crap like that, but the end result was this WTF type video that left my jaw on the floor and slightly mentally scarred.

I'm beside myself & Central Park

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I actually found a job!!! Holy Crap I go back to work on Monday!

I found this job online on Sunday, sent my resume and heard from them yesterday. Scheduled an interview for this morning at 9am. Little did anyone know we were getting this crazy ass snow storm. It quite seriously took me 3 hours to get to Stamford. I spun out once and my breaks kept grinding and locking until I got to Wilton.

**Side Note** Hey Snow!!! GO TO HELL

So, I had made my phonecalls to the COO I was meeting with to let him know my situation and he pretty much rearranged his day for me! Awesome!

Had a great interview and something happend at the end of this job interview that hasn't happend at any of the other two job interviews I've had over the past year. I GOT THE JOB! I have a 60 day trial period (just like any job) and become a regular full time benefit receiving employee after that! I got my offer letter today and am completely beside myself in shock. I really can't believe I go back to work on Monday.

Ironically, Monday is the day before the anniversary of the car accident. I guess that the beginning of February is going to be a good thing from now on! Absolutely amazing that I have something other than the looming grey of the accident to think of next week. I must say I'm on cloud nine right now.

What the--?? I missed Motivational Monday?

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It is apparent that amongst the excitement of Ghettotainment, I forgot about Motivational Monday. Partially I guess, because I was slightly motivated yesterday. I got up nice and early, got dressed up all pretty and drove down to Trumbull in the middle of a monsoon to go to a job fair.

I had preregistered online two weeks prior and still had to stand in this HUGE ASS line when I got there. I was able to head in for a seminar I wanted to go to in which I got to call out the guy from the DOL when he started selling the fact that there are WIA(workforce investment act) dollars available to the unemployed for reskilling. I promptly raised my hand after his schpeel about it during the Q&A and quite proudly called him out on it. The truth about the WIA money is that, if you got laid off in late '08 or very early '09, you might have a chance at money...but if you didn't get laid off and get your dislocated worker certification early enough, you got screwed - like I did.

*cue the tangent from my original point*

"Ghettotainment"....WTF?

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Hey fellow bloggies and readers! I left you with a word to savor last night and I promised I'd be back to give you more detail...and as promised, here I am!

I love Wanda Sykes's Saturday night show on Fox and on the segment called the WandaBar, they talked about this new thing in LA called the Gang Tours. I had to do a double take and rewind the DVR a little to make sure I heard it right.

Yup, you heard it folks! People used to go to LA to buy maps to the homes of celebrities, now you get a map of the gang grounds. No kidding.
You can pay $65, get on a bus that will drive you through the gang turfs of LA. There's gotta be some sort of release you have to sign before getting on that bus - "we reserve the right to not take the blame if you get shot and die. Take this tour at your own risk. Who is your next of kin?" But for those of you who are unemployed and wanna do things on the cheap, just roll up the windows and take a drive through Compton and risk getting shot at for free! Same experience, save yourself $65, no? But then again, I guess you wouldn't get the "I got shot in South Central" tshirt you would've been getting after getting shot with water guns on the South Central bus stop(read: ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS?!?). Another added bonus, you're encouraged to have your picture taken with ex-gang members recruited to sit next to passangers on the bus(read:AGAIN, ARE YOU FUCKING NUTS??!?) So, something tells me this is so not a good idea, but I leave you to judge that one yourself...lol.


Want to check out all the crazy ass details for yourself? Check this out

One word before I go to bed...

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 'Ghettotainment'

Savor in that for a while...soak it in and I'll be back tomorrow to elaborate....

A slight rant and then venting about the 2ww!

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I realized something today while driving that I think should be addressed. Why do some traffic lights have green arrows for the turn if the arrow is only going to be green for litterally 5 seconds. Seriously. Pointless.
It takes me about 10 seconds to react to the green, start pressing on the gas to get going, because..let's face it, not everyone guns it when the light turns green.

As I'm sitting at this intersection in Danbury on South Street by the Dunkin Donuts (yes I give directions in relations to Dunks...and bars...so I guess I'm a caffinated drunk...lol) and the light turns green with the green arrow for the left hand turn and quite seriously it turned yellow after 5 seconds. The first car hadn't even gotten through the turn! What the hell kind of planning is that? Utter bullshit. City of Danbury needs better traffic light planners....maybe that's a job I can have! HA!

Now on to the 2ww(read: the most excruciating and axious two weeks of my life)

The first rule of Fight Club ....

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Remember that scene in Fight Club where Tyler Durden changes all of the airplane "what to do incase of emergency" cards?  Well..I just happen to stumble upon something similar and damn is it funny!  You gotta check this guy out. The website is AirToons.com. You have to go through his gallery. It's hillarity for your Sunday. Enjoy =)

A letter from a pissed off citizen...

*Just a little warning kiddies...this post has some strong language (hey, I told ya I cuss like a sailor)

So I was looking for information on the 2008 first time homebuyer credit payback because it is tax time....I was hoping to find out that the amendment to the law would include the 2008 buyers so that we wouldn't have to pay back our $7500.  Needless to say, I found so many different articles and information, I can only conclude that we got screwed.  We closed on our condo in Sept of 08 and then Obama decided to change it to give homebuyers $8000 and let them get out of paying it back.  Just how does Mr. Obama think that is right and fair?  "Let's give them $500 more and they don't have to pay it back either....F U 2008 buyers"...that's what it feels like.  A big "fuck you" from the president.  I follow him on Twitter and gave him 140 characters of my mind, but what good will that do? I doubt he even reads it.  So to vent my frustration, I decided to do the theraputic thing and write him a letter. 

I DID IT!

I took a bold step and changed the name of my blog.  I think the name I settled on is pretty fitting.  Life out Loud - Chronicles and Ramblings of an Unemployed 20something.  I am techically living my life out loud by getting my butt back on the blogging scene and taking it seriously.  I have so much inside of me that I just want to get off my chest, plus hell, it's nice to feel like I'm talking to someone that's listening.  I don't get much human interaction during the day seeing that I'm always home alone with my dog, Solara, except on the days that Shane is off of work.  And for someone that is a motor mouth and LOVES to talk, not talking at all is HELL! So of course the first time I'm with someone that's human and conversational, I have diareahha of the mouth and can't shut up.  So if you're ever in this postition, please just tell me to shut up if I'm dominating the conversation. I've linked the new site up on my facebook, so hopefully anyone that would link to me or checks out my blog should get the new address.  On that note, I'm shutting up now...lol.  I'm sure I'll be back later!

Thinking it's time for a new name...

I have the urge to change the name of my blog...my life isn't what it was when I started this blog.  It seems to be going in a different direction....I had a feeling that if i changed the name of my blog, that it would totally mess up people that either read or link to my blog, but seeing that I only have one follower (big ups to Loni) I really don't think messin that up is gonna be a problem. So whaddya guys think?

I need to put an APB out on my motivation....

Perhaps I should write it a letter to see if it answers. I seem to have absolutely no motivation lately. Unemployment can do that do ya I guess. My first few months of joblessness I was so gung ho about projects around the house, namely refinishing my cabinet doors. That was in April. It's now January. Almost a year later and my cabinet doors are nowhere near done. Actually they're just sitting on the garage floor waiting for me to work on them. It's not only the cabinets, it working out. I have a Wii Fit and the EA Active program. I wake up every day prepared to take on the day and do a little working out and then do some stuff around the house. And then I get downstairs, have my breakfast and coffee annnnnnd POOF! Motivation gone. Long gone.

Missing motivation isn't like when you cat gets out and you can't find it and you leave a bowl of cat food outside the door and it will eventually find it's way home. There's no form of coercion that can be left to temp my motivation back to me (if you happen to know of something, please let me know).

My shrink says that I have control issues...and I do. Agree with me damnit! So this unstructured life is killing me, however, somehow unstructure has some way become structure....does that make sense? It's like organized chaos.

I've decided to make Mondays "Motivation Mondays". Maybe this will give my week a little bit of structure. Yeah, I know it's only one day, but one day at a time y'know. I can't conquer the week all at once.

I'm going to start this Motivaiton Monday by writing my motivation a little letter to see if it decides to stay around for the week.

Dear Motivation, It would be nice if you could stick around for more than an hour or so. I don't smell and I'm not that bad to hang around with. I'm so much more useful when you're around! I'll even bring you flowers and make you breakfast in bed - wait, that would defeat the purpose of motivating me wouldn't it? Well, you get the idea. So, yeah, it would be awesome if you could hang around for longer next time you're here. Mmkay? Thanks! Bye!

Why didn't I patent this years ago???

Oh. My. God. When I saw this the other day I almost passed out. I've been doing this for YEARS! Stuffin stuff in my bras (and not tissue..my boobs are big enough)...I used to call it my Rambo Boobs. I've been practicing this for almost 10 years! Ugh...why didn't I think of something like this back then!? Apparently I was not meant to be a millionare....DAMN!

Is 80's hair back in style?

Not that it's hard to miss, but have you seen Marie Osmond's latest nutrisystem commercial?? Her hair is bigger than she is!! It's amazing that she hasn't toppled over being top heavy with the size of that hair. One would think she bought stock in Aqua Net and has been using all of her prophets.

Every time I see this commercial, I keep expecting wood nymphs and magic underwear to come flying out of that coif. She puts Dolly Parton to shame with the hair-do. Come to think of it....she could also be hiding Donny in there too. They do spend alot of time together.

Almost reminicent of an episode of Family Guy...

New Yorker's know their shit....put this guy in charge!

Ok, after reading last week's Daily News Voice of the People section...I totally wish I could find the guy from Whitestone that wrote this because I would so appoint him to be the head of National Security....

"Here's a solution to all the controversy over full body scanners. Have a booth that you can step into that will not x-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you. It would be a win-win for everyone"


Anyone else agree?

And a high speed chase ensued to catch the Walmart motorized scooter...

You think I'm kidding? Well, maybe about the high speed chase, but not about the motorized scooter. I almost wish I was. But this story gets even better.
I came across this story today while prepping my show on K104.7 fm in New York and must admit, I felt bad for the perp in question, but wasn't sure which part of the story was more embarassing.

The story goes like this...a man in Uniontown, PA was arrested after he stole $50 from his ex-girlfriend at Wal-Mart and then made a getaway on one of the store's motorized shopping scooters. The guy was 32...and had just been released from a hospital for injuries in a domestic dispute and was still wearing...you guessed it...his hospital gown!

So again, I really don't know what part of this is more embarassing. He got his ass kicked by his chick, tried to pull off an OJ like car chase with a motorized shopping scooter AND was still wearing a hospital gown which I'm sure exposed all of his exposables. All for a measly $50?? This guy must have issues! And to think...bare butt on the seat of that scooter...makes me shudder.

Welcom to Twenty Ten...or is it '010, or two thousand ten?

However you find yourself saying it, Happy New Year! Hopefully 2010 will be much better than 2009 was. 2009 was just a horrid year filled with nothing but a suckfest of events. Between the car accident, getting laid off and being jobless for the past 9 months...it pretty much just sucked. 2010...let it be said that you are warned that you better not suck!

With the ringing in of 2010 we find that we still don't have cars that fly like the movies of old made us thought we would, but we do have a mind reading machine in airports now! It's like TSA's version of the Vulcan Mind Meld or something. I saw a diagram in the local paper today that basically spells out "GET TO THE AIRPORT ONE DAY BEFORE YOUR FLIGHT!!" Ready for this? This includes current and future technology! Here we go!

First you have the long lines we've all become acustomed to standing in, you present your ID to the not so nice TSA agent who looks like they despise their job, then one day soon you'll have to step into this MagShoe machine that can detect potential weapons from the knee down. Then you have to take off the shoes you just had scanned for a double check and send all your things through the scanner (don't forget that change in your pocket!). THEN you'll have to walk either into or by this new machine that's being developed that can read your mind (I'm not kidding) and your body language to tell if you're suspiscious. Of course after you get a full dose of radiation from the xray machine and metal detector and the Vulcan Mind Meld machine, there's the ever so personal pat-down. There will be extended pat down's(in which the TSA agent will have to buy me a drink first) and swabbing for explosives (something about letting TSA agents swab ANYTHING is slightly disturbing). And to top it all off, as you leave the land of TSA security there will be an exit interview with a lie detector machine checking for all signs of deception and for a moment, you'll feel like you're on the now defunct Fox show "The Moment of Truth"...but without the marital humiliation and prize money.

Now, don't think that I'm against all of this sci-fi technology, I'm not. Personally I think profiling and all this is a necessity to keep us safe. But what I am against is having half witted half assed people do this job that really don't care about security...it's just a job. Not all TSA agents are like this, but you know the ones I'm talking about. You can just tell by looking at them, they don't belong in the position. I know asking for competent, experienced people in the position is a long shot, but a girl can dream can't she?